Discipline is one of the most important aspects of parenting. As soon as your child develops the ability to move and speak, you must attempt to regulate his behaviour by providing guidance and discipline if you must protect him and also point him to the right direction.
I am fond of talking to kids at every opportunity. Most of the time, I enquire how their parents treat them and what they think about such treatment. I had listened to a lot of them, and in the process, I began to see a pattern. I noticed that all that the beautiful souls were saying described their parents as being either influential, bossy or carefree.
In 1983, Diana Baumrind conducted an extensive research on discipline styles with an attempt to understand which is most effective. It turned out that my little discovery complimented her findings. Baumrind later divided these discipline styles into three. They include: authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative discipline style.
The authoritarian parent according to Baumrind gives strict rules to his children with little discussion of the reasons for the rules. It is the “because I say so” approach to rules. Authoritarian parents believe in keeping the child in his place. They attempt to shape, control, and evaluate the behaviour of their children with standards they have formed or that was formulated by a higher authority. They value obedience as a virtue, and resolve to punitive and forceful measures to curb self-will at points where the actions of their children are not in agreement with what they think is right. They are openly critical of their children and frequently give them instructions on how to behave.
In contrast, the permissive parent gives the child few rules and rarely punish misbehaviour. The child is given great respect and autonomy but often too much independence at a very early age. Permissive parents often allow their children to regulate their own activities as much as possible, they avoid the exercise of control, and does not encourage the child to obey externally defined standards. They use reason and manipulation to influence the child but not overt power to accomplish their ends.
The authoritative parent on the other hand is an authority figure to the child but provides good explanations for all rules and freely discusses them with the child. He directs the child’s activities but in a rational, issue-oriented manner.
Now, which of these approaches to discipline produce the best result?
Research shows that children whose parents adopt an authoritative style are better behaved, more successful, and happier than the children of parents who use other styles of discipline and their families are more harmonious. This is because their parents make demands that fit their ability and they learn to take responsibility for their own actions and decisions. They subsequently learn that they are competent individuals who can do things successfully for themselves. This fosters high self-esteem, cognitive development, and emotional maturity.
Steps To Raise Disciplined Kids
1. Teach Good Conduct
Most adults think of punishment first. They think that misbehaviour is always treated with punishment. But discipline means learning or teaching. Giving children the information and the tools they need to learn a better way of interacting with the world is the key to correcting their behaviour.
When you make rules, explain why you make them and give your children a great sense of involvement in the rule making process and reinforce appropriate behaviour.
2. Develop Healthy Relationship With The Kids
When you spend time with your children, listening to them and meeting there physical and emotional needs, they will become more cooperative and less likely to act in negative ways. Life is busy for everyone, but creating time for the upbringing of your children is crucial; it is an investment that cannot be negotiated.
3. Use Logical Consequences
No matter how hard you try to use positive feedback to raise children, there are times when some kids will not just listen. If you have a temperamental or self-willed child, you must resist the temptation of making authoritarian responses to his or her misbehaviour if you truly want to help him/her to grow in the most desirable way.
For consequence to be effective, it must fit the crime or misbehaviour. Punishment ought to be related to the behaviour. For example, when your kid misuse her toys, she should lose the privilege of playing with them the whole day. Or when she breaks curfew, she loses the privilege of hanging out with friends for two days. Ensure that everyone understands the consequences ahead of time and most importantly, consequences should be immediate and consistent. Once you have decided to punish a misbehavior, follow through always.
Lastly, the consequence must change the misbehaviour, if it doesn't, try something else. You may think that yelling, threatening, scolding, and spanking are good consequences, the truth is, they are not. They may release your anger, but they are not good punishment because they have little long-term effect on misbehavior. Such consequence only increase the level of pain your child can bear.
P.S.: Which other point(s) is missen from this list, I will love to hear from you. Drop your comments in the box below. Thank you.
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