A "thief" is a title no parent would want his child to bear. It rubbishes the image of the person and his family and causes a lot of upheaval on neighbours, friends, and the community at large.
People take things that does not belong to them without the permission of the owner for a number of reasons, and these reasons varies with age. From the tender age of two, you must begin to teach your children how to respect the properties of others if you want them to behave well and be law abiding later on in life.
Teaching A Child In Early Childhood (2 to 7 years)
To a child in his early childhood, possession means ownership. In his mind, he has a right to anything within grabbing distance. His thoughts at this stage of development is self-centred, and he lacks the understanding that not all toys that he sees around him belongs to him until the parent passes judgment.
By age two to four however, children have developed a speaking vocabulary of over 300 words. They can also respond to prohibitions like "stop!" “Don’t touch that,” and can respond correctly to commands like “come here, don't go there" etc.
At this stage of your child’s development, you must make conscious efforts to correct his actions. When ever he collect someone’s toy or something that does not belongs to him, respond with a “no! no! that is not yours, it is John’s.” You should go further to ask John’s approval for your child to play with his toy and if John refuses to give his approval, do not force it on him. Again, make effort to help your child differentiate between what is his, and what is not his (do not expect this concept to sink in fully until around the age of five).
And each time your child finds someone’s toy or property and brings it to you, praise him for his action and tell him how happy the owner will be when the property is returned to him. Little things as these are helpful for his moral development.
Teaching A Child In Middle Childhood (7 to 11 years)
This is the elementary school age. Formal education begins in earnest at this stage because most children are intellectually and socially ready for the demands of school. At this stage of development, the child has the ability to reason like an adult in every way except for reasoning about abstract concepts like essence and existence, equity, trust, love etc.
Children also develop close ties with their peers at this stage too. They begin to form friendship groups (cliques) and these cliques tend to last longer. To this effect, a child at this stage may engage in petty theft because of the desire to fit in with a peer group that steals or to revenge for the pain they feel others have inflicted on them.
From age seven and above, children become active learners and begin to give meaning to things happening around them. Because they lack the ability to reason about abstract concepts, they become naive beings who accept and hold on to any explanation they receive. You are expected to upgrade and intensify child grooming at this stage.
You must also maintain (or form if you haven't) strong emotional connection with your children at this stage. Show your child that your love for him is unconditional and also make effort to win his trust; only then will he open up to you and adopt all you are trying to impact on him.
Often, remind your child that it is wrong to take things that does not belong to him without paying for it or without the owner’s permission. Any time he fall short of your expectations, make sure he return what he took and apologise to the owner. Help your child to understand how hurting and upsetting it is to lose a property to theft. You also need to help your child to understand that his actions has consequences (from being grounded, to being despised by people and God) and let him suffer some consequences if he repeats the behaviour.
Teaching An Adolescent
The adolescent stage is the most challenging period of human development. It is a period where peers are often more important than parents in terms of attachment and influence.
Although most adolescents are capable of reasoning abstractly, they have little experience to base their abstract thoughts on. Children at this stage of development steal for the same reasons as children in middle childhood. But in addition, they steal to buy things their friends have that they cannot afford, think they can get away with it, or to buy drugs.
Parents who are able to develop trust and intimate relationship with their children will find it much easier to deal with the excesses of their teens at this stage. This is because the kids trust the parent’s judgment and will readily give relevant information about their friends, where they hangout and things they do. You must cease such opportunities to guide your child and teach him good conduct and self control, and also explain the consequences of violating the rights and properties of others to him/her. Teach them also how to chose their friends and how bad companies corrupt good manners.
If the behaviour persist, do not relent in prayers and seek the help of a professional counselor. It could be a case of kleptomania.
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